And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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