Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
