I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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