OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
