she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
