Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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