I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
