My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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