So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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