If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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