How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
