i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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