i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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