alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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