it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
