So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
