the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
