oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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