at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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