I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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