Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
