just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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