I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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