For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
