I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
