I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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