i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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