No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Mom said you looked used
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
