Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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