Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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