we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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