i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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