I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
