I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
