can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
