My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
