Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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