So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
