super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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