I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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