just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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