just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
