That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
