you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
