sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
