I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
