Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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