Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm having to shit out rocks
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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