Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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