I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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