i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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