News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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