i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
