This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They have beer where we have blood.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
