sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
